We all would love to be able to recapture the best moments of our lives. When we try to do this, sometimes it works and, unforunately, sometimes it wasn't worth the bother. Movies can be viewed this way, also, especially when it comes to remakes. A different production of a previous film could be seen as trying to outdo the original or be just as well received. It depends, however, on the ambitiousness those associated with remakes are filled with to make their version worthy of viewing. It seems that there are more remakes lately than original ideas for a film. The turkeys displayed below illustrate that an endless amount of remakes were probably made so that paychecks could be cashed. The audience has suffered as a result of an original idea being poorly redone.
10. Planet of the Apes (2001)
10. Planet of the Apes (2001)
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The original version's prequel, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, was an improvement over Tim Burton's disappointing remake. At least the prequel presented an old idea with a new approach by displaying what happened prior to apes being in charge. The remake consists of makeup that does not really seem as groundbreaking as the makeup designed by John Chambers for the 1968 original. The idea is not as exciting because its predecessor was the first time actors were in ape makeup rather than wearing a mask. Plus, the script takes famous dialogue and turns it around. Example: "Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!" is transformed into "Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty human!" Talk about relying on the old as opposed to bringing in the new. The apes should have taken over writing the script rather than ruling the planet. Perhaps that would have made a difference.
9. Miracle on 34th Street (1994)
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9. Miracle on 34th Street (1994)
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Santa Claus should not have come to town when 20th Century Fox released a remake of their classic Christmas film. I still enjoy watching the original when it airs on Thanksgiving Day. But the remake takes away the joyful moments that the studio first brought about back in 1947. The film feels too similar to the original. It does not try to take a new approach to a previously done story. In the remake Richard Attenborough is fine as Old St. Nick. On the other hand, the other adults are less appealing than the actors who originated these roles. All I want for Christmas is to see a remake of a great film that tries to at least be different from the original version. Clones like this belong on the naughty list for life.
8. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
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8. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
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Jackie Earle Haley's portrayal as the new Freddy Krueger is nothing compared to Robert Englund's. Even though Englund is now in his sixties, I still think he could make a more convincing and creepier fiend. The new makeup design for the character is another problem. Freddy's makeover is more humorous rather than frightening. The film also becomes cheap by resorting to the same type of surprise ending the original used rather than trying something new. I would suggest that this less frightful remake be skipped by two groups of people: those who love the original film and its countless seuquels, and those who dislike unambitious remakes.
7. Race to Witch Mountain (2009)
7. Race to Witch Mountain (2009)
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Disney's remake of their 1975 fantasy flick, Escape to Witch Mountain, tried to be different from the original story. The final result may have turned out differently had the children's guardian been portrayed by someone other than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. He looked too bored out of his mind to be participating in this attempt to make him come off like a babysitter. It seems that almost every tough guy actor ends up playing the action hero/child protector at least once during their careers. The exchanges between the adult and two kids were so incredibly annoying that I was just praying for the bad guys to win. Anything to put me out of the misery of listening to this dialogue!
6. Psycho (1998)
6. Psycho (1998)
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The images above demonstrate the main problem I have with this trashy remake of Alfred Hitchcock's classic thriller. The problem is the habit of trying to be a complete imitator rather than filming a remake that feels new. Director Gus Van Sant appears to be obsessed with copying the exact camera shots Hitchcock used. Even the opening credits use the same design and music as the original. Plus, Vince Vaughn tries too hard as well. While Anthony Perkins appeared to come off at first like a sane person, Vaughn's entrance as Norman Bates finds him trying too hard to appear demented. How can you win when a remake tries too hard to be both similar and different to its predecessor? I would advise a visit to the black-and-white Bates Motel as opposed to the colorized version.
5. House of Wax (2005)
5. House of Wax (2005)
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Here is a remake that at least comes off differently from its predecessor. Unfortunately, that attempt is short-lived because of the way the film comes off like a bunch of other entries in the horror genre. A group of party animals end up in a remote area where they get chased and killed by psychotics in an eerie house. Sound familiar? The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Last House On the Left are examples of that idea. If that wasn't enough, the cast consists of Paris Hilton! (Yes. You read correctly!) She even plays a character rather than herself. But it is hard to tell the difference because she comes off similarly to how she did on her reality show. What was the casting director thinking? I'm hoping that there won't be a horror film in the future (or any genre) starring the Jersey Shore cast.
4. The In-Laws (2003)
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4. The In-Laws (2003)
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Michael Douglas and Albert Brooks do not work well together the way Peter Falk and Alan Arkin did in the 1979 farce that shows how hazardous having a CIA agent for a future in-law could be. Unlike the actors who originated their roles, Douglas and Brooks do not really appear as if they are having a fun time. The film also becomes blurry to the eyes because of all the James Bond-like chase scenes that ensue. My eyes were tired just from keeping up with the endless amount the film consisted of. The original had chase scenes, but they did not appear to pile one up after another the way the new version did.
3. Clash of the Titans (2010)
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Sure, the original version consisted of cheesy special effects! But at least it was able to feature interesting characters. It also captured attention by telling a story consisting of figures and creatures from Greek mythology. The remake, however, has special effects that look more realistic. On the other hand, it appears that the film wants to focus more on the visuals rather than the story and characters. Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes come off wooden as Zeus and Hades. Both actors are very robotic in both their speech and manners. The story is ignored in order to bring about spectacle. The film is all action and little story.
2. The Wicker Man (2006)
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Nicolas Cage constantly screams at the top of his lungs in this disappointing and silly remake of one of my favorite cult films. The original 1973 British flick was unique in that it took the horror genre and presented it in an artistic form. The only word worthy of describing the attempt at recreating this tale of a mad, religious community is ridiculous. Cage in a bear costume is really a stretch! The shouting the actor brings out should have been directed towards his agent, the director, and everyone else (especially himself) who gave life to this mess!
1. Arthur (2011)
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With so many bad remakes out there I found it hard to select a number one choice. I eventually chose the unfunny and dreadful remake of the superior original. For the moment, my days being a Russell Brand fan have ended as a result of this dreary exercise. He came off miserable to the point where he did not seem to care about transforming into an interesting character. Helen Mirren also came off as if she was strolling through her performance rather than offering anything interesting to the character. The new screenplay focuses too much on physical humor rather than verbal humor the way the original did. Steve Gordon, the writer/director of the first film, had died the year after his film was released. The spirit of his original film seemed to have vanished into thin air with this remake.